They say that everything happens for a reason, I would like to know the reason now, right now if they might.

Dear Diary you can't imagine how much help I need right now. I try to think, to fix everything up, to explain it all to myself. The only answer I get of it is that I don't know a thing after all. If just someone could give me the answer. I want to know what I should do, I want to know the right thing and I want to know what the hell I've done so wrong that I for some strange reason deserve this. 

Dear Diary I can't think clearly anymore. My life is just lika a clock. I wake up, I do something unnecesary, I keep doing something unnecesary, I eat some food (tastes like a horse's dick) I come home, after that I do something unnecesary and then I go to bed. But I don't sleep. I just lay there, thinking of unnecesary shit. A few hours before waking up again I fall to sleep. Isn't it funny? I'm so bored I can't sleep at night. Thanks to that, now I'm tired all the time. 

Dear Diary something is really wrong. My heart beats but I don't feel so much, all I can feel is the pain of everything. I have a brain.. I think. Yeah, I can think, but all I can think of is black things, the dark future. My brain doesn't think I have a future, but it says that if I have one it's dark as hell.